Me Thinks Doth Protest Too Much
by Panda Luver 4 Life
Summary: Parody/AU based off of Shakespeare's Hamlet and Kenneth Branagh's portrayal. Young Prince Draconis Malfoy will uncover a conspiracy within the royal family and the kingdom itself while relying on the help of those closest to him. OOCness to be expected.


Yuki: Bahahahaha I'm back! D: I've been gone for sooooo long…..anyways….

So, the gist of this Parody/AU-fic is based on Shakespeare's Hamlet and Kenneth Branagh's striking portrayal of Hamlet that amazingly looks like an older version of Draco Malfoy with a mustache and Goatee. Now you know what the story is based off of…..get ready for the madness!

Warning: Gayness, male sex, OOCness to the max, Ginny-bashing, voldy-bashing (even if he is one of my fave characters)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, at all. The only thing I own is my giant collection of video games, books, graphic novels, and manga.

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Characters for my deranged plot (just FYI I didn't assign these on my own):

Hamlet: Draco: 19 yrs

Horatio: Harry: 18 yrs

Claudius: Tom Riddle (Voldemort): 37 yrs

Ghost: Lucius: 32(dead) yrs

Gertrude: Snape: 26 yrs

Polonius: Charlie: 24 yrs

Laertes: Ron: 20 yrs

Ophelia: Ginny: 16 yrs

Reynaldo: Percy: 30 yrs

Rosencratz: Goyle: 19 yrs

Guildenstern: Crabbe: 19 yrs

Voltemand: Fred: 21 yrs

Cornelius: George: 21 yrs

Osric: Blaise: 20 yrs

Marcellus: Hermione: 20 yrs

Barnardo: Neville: 20 yrs

Fransico: Luna: 18 yrs

Fortinbrass: Seamus: 18 yrs

Captain to Fortinbrass: Dean: 19 years

Players: everyone else

Priest: Dumbledore: 56 yrs

Two Clowns: Cedric and Cho: 24 and 23 yrs

Yorik: Theodore Nott: 21 yrs (dead)

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Prologue

Location: Slytherin Castle

Once upon a drunken time, there was a castle. And many….._things_….happened in this castle. On this particular night many events would come unfold. Our scene opens to 2 sentries, one coming and one going on a guard platform. Also, they do not know the other is there.

"Who's there?" A young dappish man yells, turning about this way and that, wand at ready.

A young woman with long blonde locks jumps at the shout, spinning around and searching the cold night with unseeing eyes. "Answer me instead! You are the one who needs to show themselves!"

The man turns toward the sound, "Long live the king!" He waits, hoping the code will somehow tell who is out there with him.

"Neville?" the girl asks, coming into view.

The man breathes a sigh of relief, resheathing his wand. "Yes, it's me."

She blinks then looks around; a dreamy expression upon her face as she does the same. "You came to duty so quietly, why, I might've mistaken you for a nargle."

Neville rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry Luna, you can go to bed now."

"Thanks Neville. It 'tis very cold out and my bones can feel the chill."

"Has everything been quiet?"

"Not a thestral stirring tonight."

Neville grinned. "Well get inside and warm up! If you meet up with Harry and Hermoine tell them to hurry up. They're supposed to help me tonight."

Luna grinned back. They both froze when a rustling noise was heard behind them, wands aimed toward the noise they both shouted, "Who goes there?"

Harry appeared with his arms raised with Hermione beside him laughing.

"It's just us guys!" Harry smiled. Hermoine snickered, pushing Harry's arms back into place, "Some loyal subjects to the King."

Harry snickered. "To the dead King anyway….," He murmured under his breath. Hermione sent him one of those 'shut your trap now before everything gets ruined' look.

Luna just smiled dreamily at everyone, "Well I must go reheat my bones. Fare thee well." Luna then left them there as Slytherin's first snow started to fall around them.

Hermione waved goodbye then turned back to the two young men beside her. "Neville, this is mine and the Prince's friend Harry Potter. If anyone can prove we're not crazy; he can."

Said young man waved merrily at him and Neville had to fight back a blush at the emerald green eyes sparkling with mirth. Neville wasn't gay (he had a thing going with Luna) but he wasn't blind to the effeminate beauty in front of him. He smiled when he heard the man speak.

"Well a piece of me is here at least. It's bleeding cold out here! It reminds me why I'm a scholar and not a soldier. No offense guys!"

"None taken," Neville replied.

Hermione looked around, "Has it appeared yet?"

Neville shook his head negatively.

"Harry here says it's but a figment of our imagination, a load of hogwash. So I invited him to join our watch tonight so that he can see what we've seen. "

Harry snorted, "Pish posh, this thing will not appear."

Neville squirmed awkwardly whilst Hermione glared at him. "Well Harry, we should sit at least and tell you again what we've seen for the past two nights," she suggested.

Harry rolled his eyes but complied, "Fine, but I wish to hear Neville version 'Mione. It's only fair since I've only heard your side."

Neville got comfortable, leaning against the side of a stone statue near the garrisons by the east side. "Uhm….for the past two nights on watch, when the North Star is positioned at its highest, Hermione and myself-"

"Wait! Look over there by the hedges near the forest!" Hermione shout-whispered. She turned to Harry, "Speak to it!"

"Doesn't it look like the d-d-dead king?" Neville was now squatting behind the statue.

Harry gulped and nodded. "It does…poor Lucius…."

"Harry! Speak to it!"

"What do I say?"

"You're the scholar here! Think of something!"

"Hmmmm, (Should I make it majestic?-Harry!-Fine, fine...) who are you lost spirit? Why do you look like Lucius? Please! Speak to me!" Harry shakingly made his way towards the transparent figure. The spirit stayed still for but a mere moment then vanished. Harry turned back to the two soldiers behind him. "Before tonight, I might not have believed it, but even I've seen it with my own two eyes now. Do not speak of this to anyone. I will speak to Draco about this in the morning."

Neville and Hermione looked at each other then nodded. Harry grinned.

"Good. Now, where does a friend of the Prince usually stay here at Slytherin?"

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Okay, so there is your prologue and yes they still have magic. Soldiers need the use of wands to wield it while scholars can do wandless magic. Everyone else though can only do simple house hold spells. If you have any more questions I'll try to answer them. Please leave a review. I like the feedback!


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